You know, it's the little things a man does that can tell you tons about him.
The other night I went out with a male friend of mine; he's the son of a very, very famous director. He is sweet, gorgeous, and the right pedigree in terms of Hollywood royalty. But all those ingredients don't make a great cake – you know what I mean?
He can be cute and rich and famous and of the right pedigree, but still be just a jerk. However, in this case, my friend was the perfect gentleman! And that's what prompted me to write this blog.
When you go out with someone for a very long time, or you are married to them, it's these little things that they stop doing that make you sit up and take notice when somebody actually does it for you. What I'm talking about is when a man holds the door, extends a hand to help you out of a taxi, putting an arm around your back to gently guide you through a passageway in front of him, looking you in the eye when you speak, or even laughing at your little jokes.
All these things make a man so charming.
My friend did all this and more: he even put his coat around my shoulders as the evening got chilly. I mean we're not even dating (unfortunately). Why don't I ever pick guys who do this!? Seems my love compass always points in the direction of men who are tough and burley “men's men,” and not the tough and burley “woman's man,” who knows all those little things to do. (As opposed to a “ladies’ man,” who you totally and completely want to steer clear of even if they open the door for you.)
Frankly, I don't even know the little things I want my man to do until he does them. Maybe this is why men can't understand us. I think men can't understand us because we don't know the things to tell them to do for us: we may send the wrong signal when we don't wait for them to open the door and we reach and do it ourselves.
Independence is great – but chivalry is better, don't you think?
Sometimes we may be afraid to tell them what we want; we're afraid they'll run away, or not want to do it, and then not live up to expectations, and then we'll have to break up with them. Horror!
Because there are so few good, available, straight men out there, when we find one, we shut up and put up with all the little garbage. And it is garbage. It takes no energy for a man to open the door for a woman, he's opening it up for himself anyway. He's just stepping aside for a second to let someone else go through first.
When did chivalry die? When did women's liberation - you know, the one for "equal pay for an equal job so we could support families if we are single mothers" - mean that we didn't want our men to be chivalrous? When did we stop becoming a woman simply because we want to be paid for the jobs we do? I don't think chivalry was ever on the table as a negotiation point between the sexes.
I think women always wanted men to remain chivalrous - and men? Do it! It always gives you one tick in the plus column – which can nullify two ticks in the negative column. (And guys, if you don't think women are listing the pros and cons of every man they date – think again.)
So, I don't think I'm giving away any female secrets when I say that if you want the relationship to go past the first or second date, extend a hand, open the door, lend your coat. These gestures go a long, long way towards that third date.